my sister is hilarious (the future)

a text message conversation with brelin today (in typical text fashion there were a couple of trains of thought at the same time - i edited out the side conversation to create a better narrative):

brelin: Rob Lowe is so hot

me: I know! On the cover of vanity fair this month -- yes PLEASE.

b: hahaahah!!!

m: I have to forget he's almost old enough to be my dad.

b: Ewww, really?

m: oh yeah, he's definitely almost fifty.

b: how old is he?!? Ok just watching him getting interviewed about his autobiography on oprah / i'll keep you posted on all i learn

s: ok good then i don't have to give you the mental math i did based on his movies. i almost trivial pursuited myself thru his life, which would've been embarrassing.

b: he's 47

s: hahahahah! Knew it! i'm the shit.

b: ugh.... / i said that with the disdain of my empty trivial pursuit piece.

s: more embarrassing, though: i used "trivial pursuit" as a verb. / and this is why i'm alone, as joy and i say.

b: be embarrassed. hahaha!

s: one day i'll be at bar trivia and meet the love of my life. i can see it now.

b: except you'll find out he's an engineer, dump him -- and then go out with him again. / maybe marry him.

s: you're a monster.

b: i speak truth.

s: dammit. and i will dump him and date someone unemployed, of course, knowing full well Engineer Dan is the one i'll end up with.

b: yep. but until then, poor Dan will be left alone, scorned, wondering what is wrong with him.

[end of scene]

Engineer Dan --- i'm sorry. you're out there, i know you are. but you'll just have to wait until i'm done dating Blake/Tyler/Chase, the singer-songwriter/barista/bartender with no life goals who just wants to "live life and make people happy with my music/art/poetry." this is me apologizing in advance for not returning your calls or texts, not giving back that DVD you let me borrow, or telling you that "i'm not ready to be tied down yet." that wasn't nice. - sarah, your future girlfriend and wife.